Step I Questions

["Daniel Gutmanas" <noxerus@...>]

Hello everyone,

I have very recently started the Step I work, and I have a number of 
questions.

First, about Thought Control:
When I start the exercise, my mind is a pretty quiet and peaceful 
place. Just about nothing transpires inside. After a short while, I 
suddenly start getting thoughts like "what should I be thinking 
about?", "am I even doing this right?", "the thoughts from before 
which did rise were [...].", "perhaps I should ask about this in the 
online message board?", "these thoughts seem like thoughts which 
describe what I'm observing, and yet I seem to observe them happening 
actively in my mind? Does it mean that I'm not observing anymore?".
Indeed, am I doing it right? Am I not the observer anymore once I 
start thinking about what I observe, or something like that?

Also, I do not move at all during the exercise (this applies to the 
breathing exercise as well); I just lie flat on my bed, with my hands 
along my side, and do the exercise. As a result, my body goes 
somewhat numb after a very short while, but I'm still very much aware 
of it.
Last time I did the breathing exercise, I suddenly started feeling as 
if I'm rapidly spinning around myself (although obviously I was 
not :) just after the 7th breath. This happened to me before from 
time to time, during meditation in which I tried to concentrate on 
mentally doing something while my body didn't move and was allowed to 
go somewhat numb.
Last time I did the thought control exercise, I heard a very loud and 
disturbing pop, although I'm almost completely sure it wasn't a real 
sound.
What does it all mean?

As for the breathing and Eucharistic exerices:
Before now, I used to think about my wish in words (e.g. "I bless 
this soup with willpower. I have a tremendous force of will. I can 
resist all temptations, [etc]."
I felt that is needed, because I found out that I don't exactly have 
a complete internal definition for the word "willpower", so I had to 
clarify what exactly did I mean.
Now, when I bless my food/before each breath, I visualize the 
following 2 short scenes: I'm in bed, under a comfy blanket, and the 
alarm clock rings. I turn it off, and continue sleeping. A big red X 
appears on the image. Then, I'm in bed again, and the alarm clock 
rings. Instead of turning it off, I rise, and go to do my business. A 
big green V appears.
Then, while eating/circulating the breath in my body, I continue to 
verbally hold/repeat the thought just like before.
I feel that this is much better, as I know ~exactly~ what I mean, 
instead of that ambigous (to me) "willpower".
Is that okay?

And, finally, my last question (I'm really sorry for this having so 
many questions, but at least so early in the beginning, I'd really 
like to know I'm doing everything right.):
Before starting seriously working on IIH, I had a very bad period in 
my life during which I was highly addicted to sex (masturbation to be 
more correct). Then, one day, without any reason I can think of, all 
of my sex drive completely disappeared and an unsurmountable urge to 
start serious work on transforming myself into the way I want myself 
to be appeared.
I indeed started working on IIH, and ~slowly~, my sex drive seems to 
be returning to ~natural~ levels, but... what exactly happened?
I'm sorry if this is blunt/inappropriate, but I felt that it would be 
okay to ask..

Thank you all in advance, it is very much appreciated,

Daniel