RE: [BardonPraxis] Re: Wanting

["Jeudy, Olivier [AUDT]" <olivier.jeudy@...>]

Beautifully said David. And I find some parts of myself in reading your lines!

Olivier

-----Original Message-----
From: David Yeh [mailto:ldreamr@...]
Sent: Wednesday, February 11, 2004 11:21 AM
To: BardonPraxis@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [BardonPraxis] Re: Wanting


Hi Regulus,

You bring up an interesting issue that I have been looking at lately, 
and that is the quality of my "wanting." To a large extent, I've 
been finding that a lot of my "wanting" has to do with ego-grasping, 
and that's part of why I've found myself glossing over some 
exercises. It's the part of me that wants to accumulate experiences, 
in the belief that the more I have the better I am; rather than 
experiencing each aspect of life for what it is, and thereby not only 
enjoy life but be fully in the moment and learn the most.

The most deceptive thing is that I considered myself not very 
materialistic, because I was "spiritual." But it was spiritual 
materialism all the same.

So lately I have been thinking more in terms of enjoying myself and 
being present. This is a major, major imbalance I see in my soul 
mirror, and actually the root of or related to the majority of the 
items on there. (Did I do that wrong, I wonder? To have one basic 
root for the majority of the negative traits in my soul mirror?) I 
have too much negative Earth and Fire, it sucks me down and burns me 
out and I don't leave anything left for feeling and enjoying and 
being light and humorous with myself.

On the whole, though, I think the main reason that I would stick with 
this path is precisely because it makes me face my patterns and where 
I am stuck. I don't imagine that the advanced magician is supposed 
to be spiritually "mature" to the point where he can't enjoy life; I 
would think that it would be quite the opposite. But I am realizing 
that maybe the reason these spiritual paths feel so difficult is 
because they require you to give up your attachments and enjoy life 
as it is, even while working hard toward some goal you may never 
attain. Controlled folly, don Juan called it.


David




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