Re: Socialization

["Daniel Gutmanas" <noxerus@...>]

Dear Lidia and Antiloop,

First of all, thank you for your replies :) I have to agree with 
nearly everything you wrote.
I'm not sure how did it sound in my previous post, but I have no 
doubts regarding my choice to change my character and strive towards 
my own standards. But, I also have no interest in actively trying to 
change my frinds' characters - whenever the time is right for them, 
they will decide to do it - all I wish to be is just a positive 
influence :)
After a few conversations and thoughts today, I believe that I 
reached the gist of the problem: regardless of all of my efforts to 
convince them otherwise, my friends and the people around me 
automatically feel that the standards I aim for, are the bar by 
which I judge everyone, instead of myself alone.
Just oh-so-recently, I would have reacted in the same way as they do 
in such situations. The memories are very vivid and fresh (and I 
intend to keep them this way :), and I cannot feel naught but 
empathy and the deepest sympathy towards my friends.
I have tried everything I could think of to show them that I have no 
judgement of their actions whatsoever, and that my goals are mine 
alone, but it doesn't seem to work.
The problem is most noticable with my significant other. Whenever 
she feels bad about a situation, the first thing I do is comfort 
her. Regardless of the event, I tell her that I fully understand and 
sympathize with her actions (only when she asks for my opinion, of 
course). It is only when that dreaded question regarding my own 
hypothetical actions in such a situation arises, that the problems I 
described begin.
I find it very difficult to accept that the problem is in my 
surroundings and not in some facet of my own actions, but I just 
don't know what is it, or what can I do...?

Sincerely,
Daniel Gutmanas