Re: [BardonPraxis] Some problems i created

[mark towse <bigimpact2003@...>]

Hi Kos,

Don't worry too much - it's a very strange experience when you are actually 
faced with reality (or in the early stages of the work a glimpse in to a much 
wider reality) and yes, it will freak you out a bit but don't for a second 
worry about being mad. Any negative feelings are elements of your personality 
which don't want to give up their hold on your previous "normality". Whilst 
your willpower tackle and resolve issues about what you thought you know any 
depression, anxiety, paranoia, worry etc. will disappear as you go on and gain 
understanding.

Seems you are also worrying about certin things for nothing; if you worry about 
people finding out you have psychic powers, perhaps you need to get some - if 
you catch my drift. Creating a negative situation beofre it exists is a 
character imbalance; fortunately these get tackled early!

Specific pain you feel, if it has no physical symptom (diet, exercise, booze 
and tabs etc.), is likley to be because you are using parts of your mind which 
haven't been used before - iagine going to the gym and pumping hard fro a 
montha fter you never have before, fine for a while and then you ache to 
buggery.

Simply put, take a pill and chil - keep doing the exercises and don't worry. 
Perspective will sort its self out with more knowledge; the full akasha 
principle won't make itself fully apparent to you before you are ready or 
specifically in step 5 (off hand). Just enjoy the ride and remember, it isn't 
what other people think that counts.

Mark

kos_kou4 <kos_kou4@...> wrote:
Hello friends,

I started Bardon's course 5 months ago but it seems that I 
misunderstood some things. When I was just doing the meditations 
everything was ok but someday I read from these forums, and I 
thought, that with step 1 exercises the mind will be controlled and 
that I have allways to observe my thoughts. At the beginning 
everything was ok but I also was convinced that "now I will control 
my mind". One day I read in this forum that someone always has to 
observe his thoughts. So, I decided to really force myself to always 
observe my thoughts, I always had in my mind to observe my thoughts 
and I , mentally not physically, didn't do anything else except 
this. At the first day I was doing this it was ok, but in the 
evening I noticed that I had a pain in my head, some difficulty in 
concentration and I felt a little distand from everything. But I 
thought that in the morning I will be ok. At the next morning I was 
exactly the same and I had an anxious feeling and a real pressure 
inside my head. I begun to get scared about this but I didn't stop 
forcing myself to observe thoughts. At the end of that day the 
symptoms was worse and I was observing myself to move,talk,walk but 
it wasn't me that doing these. I was in a daze and I felt like 
something dragging me from reality. So, while I was observing myself 
doing things I started to think how am I doing these, how am I 
walk?, think?, whats the process of thinking? and generally things 
about how unconsious works. These thoughts made me really desperate 
and anxious because they have no answer and I just seeing them 
happening. I stopped to observe thoughts but it was out of control. 
The other day I remember that I had this thought "it seems that from 
now on I will be like this (a terrible force,pain inside my head, 
very anxious and very distand from reality) because it had to be 
like this, but I want to go back". When I saw that I couldn't go 
back and I was in a situation that I couldn't escape from it I had 
the strongest negative feeling I've ever had, a feeling of 
insecurity, desparation and helpless, and I thought that I am mad. 
After that I stopped Bardon's course and I was in this very 
unconfortable situation for 3 days. At the end of that third day I 
remember telling myself "this is nothing you just overdo it with 
observing thoughts, you are very sensitive and that's why you felt 
like this" and I was normal again! All the symptoms left in a second 
and I was healthy again. I started Bardon's course again and for 1 
month I was ok. But one day I had this thought "while taking 
Bardon's course maybe someday discover that I have psychic abilities 
of a phenomenal nature and that is a situation that I can never 
escape from, like the other I had a month ago" and the symptoms just 
came back but not so strong as the other time. I was in this 
situation for 3 months. I was anxious, felt a force inside my head, 
could't concentrate, felt like being in a daze, couldn't let myself 
go something bothered me all the time, there was times that I 
thought about unconsious work and I felt desparate, felt like trying 
to control whatever I said and did and this made me to speak very 
little and at nights before I sleep I sometimes felt that everything 
is a lie and something drugging me somewhere. All these was untill 
yesterday and today I went to a therapist and he told me that this
(observing myself) was just a different kind of conciousness. But I 
didn't expect to see this conciousness, I expected when I was 
started to always observing my thoughts that I will have a change in 
my personality that will last, to observe my thoughts. And that's 
why when I felt like this(observing myself)I thought that was a 
naturall situation,a change, that will last forever and not just an 
another kind of consiousness. And it was from this that I thought 
that there is no turning back from that really unconfortable 
situation I was. I thought that I would have a change that will 
last, this change was anxious and negative emotions, and subconsious 
gave me these negative feelings as a change that will last. When I 
understand this misunderstood of mine I was again ok, but I feel 
oversensitive and afraid of changes.
What I would really like from you please is to tell me your opinion 
about these, what should I do and how real changes comes in this 
course. Because if a change as psychic abilities comes to me as my 
personality is now this will be really scary and catastrophic. Also 
I can see that I can reach that state of consiousness very easily. 
Is this state "a safeguard" from negative emotions and thoughts?

Thank you for your time 






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